Tuesday, 27 September 2011


       I am a soul still alive in this world full of doubts.... thinking whether religion still is of much importance, i died asking this question to myself and still have not found the answer... so i am still alive...!!
      My life was very good until i turned 18, and then the life took a U turn as soon as my parents started pressurizing me to follow their religions.... religions!! CONFUSED!!!! yeah my dad was a strong believer of Islam and my mom a Hindu.... now the dilemma was which religion i would follow... i became the rope of tug-of-war and my parents pulling me from each ends.. i was confused so as they, because i never visited mosques nor temples. I started developing hatred regarding this so called words which society gives importance to; because i always felt religion and god are man made beliefs and its an individuals choice to follow any belief. So i ended up being an atheist.
       As soon as i turned 22, i told my parents that i will not follow any religion, the whole scenario seemed as if that the whole world came crashing down my dad got up and said if u want to live with us you have to follow my orders or else you can leave. Being  hot blooded , i left my house and shifted to my girlfriend's flat to whom i was supposed to get married secretly. Alicia, a Roman catholic girl staying as a PG to whom i met when i was working in a call center. I fell in love with her and my love blossomed when she agreed to marry me. She knew i was an atheist because once i said to her that "Darling, i love you and always do just remember one thing i will never stop you to follow your religion but never ask me to follow your religion." As soon as she heard this she broke down with tears rolling down the eyes and me cajoling her like a mother does to a crying child.
      The day had come when i was supposed to meet Alicia's parents regarding our marriage, i already asked Alicia to inform her parents about me being an atheist which she did. Her dad a retired army man was staring at me as i had crossed the border and he was there to interrogate me.. i could sense a negative feeling on his side. Suddenly after interviewing me he said, " Look i like you, you can marry my daughter, but before that you have to get converted into Christianity" these words hit me like a bullet and i was hit directly on my heart. This incident developed more hatred in my heart towards religion. After that day we decided to walk on different ways and this lead me get transferred to Bangalore for certain period to get over this incident.
       There was sudden pressure mounting on Alicia to get married to a guy from their community against her will and then one day when i was working at my office i got the news from her friend that my love, Alicia had committed suicide by consuming poison. I left everything as it is and left to her place just to see her dead body being taken out of the hospital, that moment was as if someone was pinching me hard on my heart, i went to her dad and said, "How do you feel by murdering your own girl???" and broke down in front of her family members. This incident left me broken heart and even i committed suicide with a note behind that said," Society is responsible for my death and my dead body should be donated to a hospital for research and study and no rites and rituals should be conducted." This were the last words by me.
                                           I was born as an ATHEIST,
                                               I died as an ATHEIST